Freezing, unsung instinct of survival

Today I want to share a few thoughts about a natural response of our body that receives a lot of stigma – Freezing during a distressful situation. People who have experienced freezing in violent situations are often shamed for their reaction. A survivor’s freezing reaction is wrongfully used to blame the survivor. In many cases, this involuntary reaction to danger has shamelessly been used as a tool to disregard or even deny justice and support for the survivor.

There are many misconceptions associated with the freezing reaction while in a distressful situation. As a survivor, I have for the longest time been devoured by these misconceptions and ruminated for years and years if I was weak because my mind and body shut down when I was in a situation where my safety and well-being was at risk. Too many times, I have gotten stuck in my ability to validate my experiences, often spiralling into a dungeon of self-doubt and self-hatred, just because I couldn’t understand why I was not able to take the right action.

I needed to find answers. I needed to understand why I shut down in times where I needed to use my mind and body the most. Where were my flight-or-fight responses? I needed to know. So I started looking into it. I hope you will embrace the information I have shared below and I hope it brings you peace and connection.

I have always thought that our body has two responses to a crisis or a threat, either you run away or you fight.

However, in many family violence and domestic violence situations, the brain of the person experiencing the abuse may assess the situation and realize that either of those responses could be detrimental to their well-being. That’s when the third reaction kicks in -Freeze for action in response to a threat.

When experiencing or witnessing abuse, it is normal and absolutely valid to not know what to do and feel stuck.

The questions often arises, “Is my flight-or-fight response broken?”, “Am I unable to handle such situations?”, “Am I weak?”.

Now I understand that freezing in a crisis is an automatic involuntary response to a threat. It is when our brain assesses the situation and decides that the best course of action for this threat/crisis is nothing. Basically, our brain understands and tells us to not react externally and to wait until this threat has passed.

This reaction of feeling stuck- this seemingly abrupt shutting down of mind and body to violent threats often brings in feelings of guilt and anger in oneself during later reflection after the danger has passed. I myself have often wondered and self-deprecated for not running away, for not raising my voice while witnessing or experiencing violence in my home. I have always thought I should have known better and done better. I often am riddled with thoughts and feelings of guilt and feelings of incompetence for not taking more rigorous steps in standing up against violence or protecting the other members of my family experiencing abuse.

It’s tough, but it’s an active effort to pull myself out of those strong whirlpools of anxiety-ridden thoughts of de-valuing myself. I am learning to accept and validate my experiences. I now think of freezing in the way it is observed in the wild. When an animal senses a potential threat, they freeze. Their stillness merges with their environment. They become still as the tree branch they are on or still like the rock they may be sitting on. They become one with nature in the hope of survival. As if their brain is advising them, “if you don’t react you won’t be seen and the threat will pass without harming”.

In some branch of evolution, this trait might have passed on to our brain. I always thought of freezing as a weakness but now understand it’s an important coping strategy developed by the brain to keep you safe and ensure your well-being for the present and for the future.

I hope you, my dear reader, will validate and empower your mind and body’s coping. You are not broken because you froze during a distressful situation, you are wiser, stronger and more resilient than ever because you did.